Love Made Me Do It!
- MS
- Jan 2
- 13 min read
Some lessons are learned in the quiet of prayer. Others are discovered in a warm, chocolate-splattered kitchen, with the smell of chocolate and the presence of a Savior who doesn't demand perfection, just my heart.
Where the Savior gently reminds me that my worth isn't tied to shame, guilt, or perfection but to His unconditional love and grace, an ongoing lesson that brings me comfort and hope.
It's intriguing how healing can begin in the most unexpected places, like a chocolate-smeared kitchen.
Here, guilt and shame dissolve, grace takes root, and Jesus reminds me that His love is the sweetest thing of all, stirring sweetness into my soul.
The rich aroma of dark chocolate filled the air as I stirred the velvety liquid in my favorite pot.
Sunlight streamed through the kitchen windows, casting a warm glow on the glass jars filled with raw cacao nibs, crushed nuts, and dark chocolate shavings.
My kitchen is my haven, my happy place, a beautiful space that never fails to inspire wonder and appreciation, where creativity and calm blend like the ingredients I work with daily.
The light streaming through the windows made the chocolate glisten, and for a moment, I felt like an artist at work, painting with chocolate instead of a brush.
Today was a special day. I was immersed in the joy of creating a new collection for my chocolate business, crafting little pieces of art with love and care, feeling inspired and excited.
As my hands moved artfully, I felt inspired and excited, even though my heart felt heavier than usual.
I was filled with a mix of emotions, joy, and anticipation for my work, but also a sense of unease and fear that I couldn't shake off.
There I was, in my element, wearing my trusty blue apron with bold white letters, shouting, "Love Made Me Do It." Its deep shade of blue was now artfully decorated and adorned with streaks of melted chocolate that somehow escaped my spoon.
"Need a hand?"
As I turned around, I spotted Jesus casually leaning against the doorframe, looking as relaxed as ever.
With a friendly grin that could light up a room, His warm eyes met mine, instantly filling me with a sense of joy and comfort. It felt like running into an old friend who always knows how to brighten your day!
His unexpected presence in the kitchen brought a profound sense of relief, a reminder that I was never alone in my struggles, and a reassurance that I was understood and supported.
"Jesus," I exhaled, trying to laugh off the heaviness. "I didn't expect You in the kitchen today."
He stepped forward, grabbing one of my aprons that said, "Life Is Sweeter With Chocolate!" and slipping it over His shoulders.
"I'm right where I'm supposed to be. Besides," He grinned, "I hear the chocolate here is heavenly. I think this might be My new favorite place." He said this, tasting some dark chocolate I'd just finished.
"Well," I teased, "if You're going to be my sous-chef, You'd better not eat all the inventory." I laughed, shaking my head.
"Do You ever get tired of showing up here with me?" I asked, half-teasing but half-serious.
"Not a chance," He said, His eyes twinkling with acceptance and understanding. "This is one of My favorite places to be. You've invited Me into every part of your life. Why not here?" His words and the look in His eyes made me feel heard and validated.
I smiled, but a flicker of doubt crossed my mind. "Even when I bring all my baggage into it?"
He turned to face me. "Especially then. That's when the best work happens."
I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. "I've been thinking a lot about… everything lately," I admitted, focusing on drizzling chocolate over a tray of truffles.
"What part of 'everything' are we unpacking today?" He asked gently, leaning against the counter.
His question made me feel seen and understood in a way that was both comforting and challenging.
I hesitated, my hands halting. "The part where I feel like I'm always bracing for people to hurt me. Like I can never just… be. Every little thing feels personal, like proof that I'm not enough, or I am too much, or that I'll be abandoned if I'm not perfect."
He didn't rush me, didn't fill the silence. He just waited, His presence steady and calming.
"I'm so afraid of letting people in, and I am so afraid of letting people down," I continued, my voice trembling. "Because even when they're nice at first, I can't shake the fear that they'll eventually take me for granted, hurt me, or leave. It's happened before, and now I feel like I have to keep my guard up constantly."
Jesus nodded, His expression full of understanding. "It's exhausting, isn't it? Carrying that weight, always trying to protect yourself."
Tears filled my eyes, but I didn't stop them this time. "It is. And it's lonely. I want to be authentic, to be vulnerable, but it feels like every time I try, I just get hurt all over again."
He reached for a piece of dark chocolate from the tray, holding it up thoughtfully. "You know, chocolate is a little like people."
I raised an eyebrow, managing a weak laugh. "Oh, this I've got to hear."
He smiled, breaking the chocolate in half. "It starts out as something raw, something unrefined, bitter, even. But with care and patience, it's transformed into something beautiful, something that brings joy. The process isn't always easy and sometimes gets messy, but the end result is worth it."
I sighed, wiping my eyes. "So, you're saying I'm raw and bitter?"
He chuckled. "No, I'm saying you've been through the refining process, and you're still here. You're still showing up, still choosing to love, even when it's hard. That's what makes you beautiful."
I looked down at the chocolate I was working on, my hands trembling slightly.
"But what about the fear? The fear of being hurt again, of being taken for granted?"
"The fear is real," He said gently. "But it doesn't have to control you. When you base your worth on how others see or treat you, you give them the power they were never meant to have. Your worth doesn't come from them; it comes from Me. Overcoming fear is a journey, and it starts with understanding that your worth is not determined by others but by your relationship with Me."
I bit my lip. His words were both comforting and challenging.
"But how do I stop taking everything so personally? How do I stop expecting people to hurt me?"
"It starts with a deliberate choice, a pivotal moment where you must decide whether to lean on your own understanding and beliefs or to place your unwavering trust in Me," He said, His voice steady and reassuring.
"Embrace the truth that I am with you, even amidst the pain and trials of life. Trust that your value isn't diminished by someone else's actions and that you are untouched by the actions or judgments of others around you. Allow yourself to believe that you can be both authentic and vulnerable, unafraid to show your true self to the world because My love for you is steadfast and unchanging. Trust is the powerful key that unlocks the door to overcoming your fears and reveals your true worth in Me. Embracing this truth empowers you to conquer fear and uncover the incredible value you hold within. And it starts with a deep understanding of who you are at your core. You are cherished and loved unconditionally and completely, not because of your achievements or what you can offer but simply because of who you are; you are My beloved. When you know that deep in your heart, the fear of rejection begins to lose its power. You start by letting yourself be loved. By Me, first and foremost. And trust that you're enough, even when the world doesn't cheer you on. Trust that you are enough, just as you are even when the world seems silent or indifferent, not offering the applause or cheer that you may seek."
His words were both comforting and challenging. "It sounds simple, but it feels so hard."
"It's a journey," He said lovingly. "But it's one worth taking. Because on the other side of this, you'll find freedom. Freedom to create, live, and love, not because you need approval, but because it's who you are."
I nodded, swallowing hard. "I know that in my head. But in my heart?"
Jesus stepped closer, His gaze warm and steady. "Do you know why it's so exhausting?"
"Why?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Because you're trying to fill a space in your heart that was never meant to be filled by people. That space? It's for Me. Only My love can fill it completely."
"But what if people do hurt me?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
"They might," He conceded softly, His voice carrying a weight of understanding. "But remember, their actions do not define who you are. When you anchor yourself in My unwavering love, you'll discover that the pain has lost its grip on your heart. As you forgive, you are releasing the burdens you carry. As you do, you'll find your heart becoming more open, more resilient, ready to embrace all the beauty life offers."
I nodded slowly, His words sinking in. "So, it's not about avoiding pain; it's about learning how to face it without losing myself."
"Exactly," He said, His smile returning. "And you don't have to do it alone. I'll be with you every step of the way."
"You've got a little chocolate on your cheek," He said, motioning with a grin.
I laughed, wiping at the wrong side of my face. "Here?"
"Nope." He chuckled, gently swiping the smear away with His thumb. "Got it."
I smiled sheepishly. "It's a hazard of the job."
"You wear it well," He teased, grabbing a spoon to taste the chocolate I'd just made. "Mmm. Perfect."
The word washed over me like a mighty wave crashing against the shore, leaving me breathless.
"Perfect," I murmured under my breath. For years, I had pursued that elusive ideal, striving to reshape myself into someone worthy of unreserved love who could inspire unwavering confidence, free from hesitation and doubt.
I longed to be the kind of person who wouldn't let anyone down, someone who would never falter, never disappoints, and always succeed.
I stirred the pot of dark chocolate, my thoughts swirling faster than the melted mixture.
"Do You think I'm too hard on myself?" I blurted out.
Jesus leaned against the counter, folding His arms. "I think you're harder on yourself than I ever would be."
I glanced at Him, startled by the tenderness in His voice. "But… shouldn't I try to be better? Isn't that the point of all this?"
"To grow? Yes," He said. "To perfect yourself? Not at all."
I stopped stirring, the spoon resting against the side of the pot. "But isn't perfection what makes someone worthy of love? If I'm flawed and not everything I think I should be, how can I expect to be truly loved?"
He stepped closer, His gaze steady and kind. "Who told you that love had to be earned? That love depends on how polished you are or how few mistakes you make?"
I shrugged, my throat tight. "I don't know. I guess… I did. Somewhere along the way, I decided I wouldn't be enough if I wasn't perfect."
Jesus reached for a piece of chocolate from the tray and held it up. "Do you see this?"
I nodded, confused. "It's just chocolate."
"It's more than that," He said, breaking it in half. "This piece isn't perfect. See the little crack here? The uneven edge?"
I leaned in, noticing the imperfections I hadn't before. "Yeah."
"But does it still taste sweet? Does it still bring joy?"
I smiled softly. "Of course."
He handed me the broken piece. "And so do you."
The truth of His words settled over me like a warm embrace. I took a bite, the chocolate melting on my tongue, rich and comforting.
"You've been working so hard to sand down every rough edge, to patch up every crack," He continued. "But what if those imperfections are part of your beauty? What if they make you human? What if they make you relatable? What if they make you… you?"
I swallowed hard, the lingering sweetness of the chocolate coating my tongue as I struggled to articulate my thoughts. "But aren't those the very parts of me that push people away? The flaws that make me so difficult to love?"
He looked at me with a gentle compassion in His eyes, a soft smile gracing His lips. "Only if you believe they do," He replied, His voice soothing like a warm embrace.
"The people who truly love you, the ones I've placed in your life, don't need you to be perfect. What they crave is your presence, your authenticity."
I blinked back tears, the revelation washing over me like a tidal wave.
"So, all this time, I've been desperately trying to fix myself… and I didn't need to?"
His smile was radiating warmth and understanding. "Not to be worthy of love, no. While growth is important, it's not about molding yourself into something lovable; it's about discovering the freedom to be who I created you to be. Free to savor the extraordinary life I've given you."
Setting down the spoon, I leaned against the cool countertop, my hands trembling slightly as the weight of His words sank in. "I don't know if I even know how to do that to just… be. To stop striving."
"It's a process," He said, His voice filled with patience. "But it starts with letting go of the lie that you must be perfect. It starts with believing that you're already enough."
I nodded slowly, the weight on my shoulders lifting just a little. "So, it is okay to have imperfections? To be messy and human and… not always get it right?"
He grinned, reaching for another piece of chocolate. "It's more than okay. It's part of the design."
We worked silently for a while, the rhythm of melting, pouring, and decorating soothing my heart.
As we finished the last batch, Jesus picked up a small jar of edible gold dust and sprinkled it over the chocolates.
"What's that for?" I asked, watching the delicate shimmer transform the tray.
"A reminder," He said, meeting my eyes. "That even in the broken places, there's beauty. Even in the fear and the pain, there's hope. You're not defined by your past or your wounds. You're defined by the love that created you and sustains you."
I swallowed hard, the lump in my throat returning. "Thank You," I whispered. Thank You for being patient, loving me even when I forget, and helping me see myself through Your eyes."
He smiled, handing me a finished chocolate. "You're worth it. That's the beauty of My love; it's not tied to what others think of you. It's not conditional. And the more you rest in that truth, the freer you become."
As I took a bite from the chocolate, the sweetness melting on my tongue, I realized that something had shifted. The fear wasn't completely gone, but it felt smaller, less overwhelming. Because I wasn't carrying it alone anymore.
As I watched Him, a playful thought bubbled up, and I couldn't help but smile. "I'll start making these chocolates with a new intention. Instead of trying to prove my worth, I'll use them as a reminder of it. A little declaration of love in every bite."
His eyes lit up, and He nodded. "Now that's a recipe worth sharing."
As the rich aroma of melting chocolate floated around me, whispering sweet inspirations, a profound thought danced through my mind: healing is not a destination but a journey, a continuous process of growth and self-discovery, maybe less like climbing a mountain and more like crafting a delightful treat in a chocolate shop, full of unexpected flavors, thrilling aromas, and delightful surprises that keep my senses tingling.
Each time I let go of the pressure to impress and instead celebrate my beautifully imperfect self, it feels like making the perfect dark chocolate with raw cacao nibs, crunchy and full of flavor, blending their natural bitterness with a touch of sweetness, like the sweetness of honey or maple sugar. It's a process that invites me to appreciate the richness and texture, allowing me to savor the fulfilling experience of something genuinely nourishing.
I couldn't help but giggle as I thought about my journey. It's like a whimsical adventure in my chocolate shop, where every challenge is a delicious treat, and each struggle adds a sprinkle of sweetness to my life. Sure, it can get a little messy, like having chocolate smudges all over my face and hands, but that makes it all the more fun!
Ultimately, this ride is all about savoring the flavors and realizing that the sweetest joy comes from perfectly imperfect moments.
Like indulging in rich, velvety dark chocolate, my journey is delightfully complex and messy at times; nevertheless, it always leads to the sweetest and most fulfilling destination!
P.S. Chocolate on Top: A Little Extra for the Soul, A Sweet Bonus Treat!
I usually let my blogs do all the talking; they've got plenty to say without my help! But this one feels different.
It deserves a little fanfare and a proper introduction. Why? Because it takes you to the heart of my healing journey.
The moment I discovered that the real path to healing my body wasn't through endless pills, strict diets, or elaborate plans but through calming the frayed nerves of my fight-or-flight mode, which had dominated my life for far too long, was truly eye-opening. It felt like unlocking the secret to my own well-being.
So, consider this your backstage pass to the story behind the story, where the unearthing of old beliefs and the rewriting of my heart began. Trust me, this one's worth the warm-up.
It all started in my doctor's office. He looked at me with a mix of concern and certainty and said, "Your body is ready to heal itself—but only if you heal the fight-or-flight mode you've been stuck in." His words struck like lightning bolts, revealing a path I never knew existed. To heal my body, I had to heal my heart.
I first had to unravel the mysteries lurking in my heart. What secrets lay buried within? What fears were hiding in the shadows?
That's when my real journey began, digging deep into what had kept me in survival mode for so long.
Belief by belief, I unearthed the hidden weights I'd been carrying: the belief that I had to be perfect, that I was broken, that I wasn't enough, and that everyone's happiness depended on me.
With each belief I uncovered, it felt like peeling back layers of an old, well-worn tapestry that had long hidden its vibrant threads. I wrestled with the belief that perfection defined my identity, feeling recognized yet never genuinely embraced. My worth seemed to hinge on the approval of others, creating a heavy cloak of expectations that stifled my spirit. Yet, as I began to peel away those layers, a spark of curiosity ignited within me, illuminating the path to self-discovery and authenticity, urging me to embrace my true self and redefine my worth. As I uncovered each one, I invited Jesus into the tender spaces of my soul, allowing His love to gently rewrite the stories I'd believed for far too long.
This blog is my way of sharing the beauty and mess of that journey. It's a glimpse into how the fight became my freedom and how, belief by belief, my healing unfolded. So, dear beloved reader, join me on this adventure of finding healing, hope, and Jesus in the least expected spaces.
