Maintaining the magic of change!

I’ve learned,  through experience , that when it comes to personal growth, there is change and there is Change! One change is where you think everything it’s a quick fix, you buy into the idea that this is a simple formula.. I can read a book, I would take 10 steps of this, I will follow that specific diet, I would do this Bible study, I will listen to that person...But after all of these quick fixes, you are still left frustrated, and left with as many questions, if not more, as when you started....And guess what ? the change that you were so pumped up about, hoping for it , keeps fading away as fast as it started to come in... Bad News: There is no microwave change or personal growth...you cannot buy personal growth at Sprouts’ frozen organic section, put it in the microwave for few minutes, and poof , you are done... Good News: And so there is Change, aka personal growth! Warning: Read the Small print! YES! It takes time, energy, well actually everything you’ve got! Once I realized and honestly confessed to myself that I function dysfunctionally, I was able to start opening up my heart to real change...I had to be honest with myself down to the core...to me personally, I knew I cannot do it by myself...so I invested in books, bible studies...I was blessed with family , a special loved one, church and friends who didn’t just support me, but mentor me, guided me, inspired me...but most of all loved On me, they were speaking to the butterfly in me , and not to the caterpillar that I was in that moment...and believe me, I was one frustrated caterpillar! Still for me when the real shift happened, was when I was finally willing to let go of my dysfunctional thinking and belief system, open up my heart to my God, Who was willing to help me to change! When I finally was ready to be “broken “, to have my pride broken, my stubbornness broken,my false belief system broken, to forgive and to let go, the Lord nudged me with this verse: Hosea 10:12 “plant a good seed of righteousness, and you will harvest a crop of My love. Plow up the hard ground of your hearts, for now is the time to seek the Lord, that He may come and shower righteousness upon you!” And plowing we went!

The beginning was excruciatingly horrible, it was like playing a toggle war, I wanted to hold onto everything, I wanted to do everything my way, I wanted only quick fixes...and yes I wanted to keep holding onto my dysfunctional functionality...God on the other hand, wanted to get His hands on everything, doing things His way, and we were going absolutely back-and-forth! I would leave everything at His feet , just so I can pick everything back up a little bit latter...I could only rest my heart for a moment .. Once I released it all, when finally I surrendered, let Him to be in charge, giving up my ways, becoming totally vulnerable, a beautiful and rhythmic dance stared between the 2 of us...I met a God, who I never knew before...I’ve fallen in love with my Jesus with my whole heart...a God Who was full of compassion, love, mercy, kindness, gentleness and Yes lots fun! Full of wisdom and guidance, imagine that! Change has become sort of fun, still hard and challenging, but fun! 

I think that was the first moment in my life when I actually believed that God had authorized for me to be healthy, whole, successful, happy and beautiful ...that God Himself, was not OK with me to live Broken! He did not want me To be defined by my brokenness, pain, dysfunction, failure, or my past, but by Christ, Who has made me Whole! I wish I could tell you, that once I felt all of that, everything change overnight....that would be the biggest lie...It took time, effort, energy...I read all the books I could put my hands on, I studied my Bible, I spent time in prayer, I listened to millions of bible studies, I spent time with folks who mentored me... .after all it’s a process....But Finally I could feel my butterfly wings forming... pushing through my cocoon ( dysfunctions, pain, brokenness ) had a purpose, and giving up or quitting was not even an option anymore!

Exchanging old habits for new once became exhilarating, learning new ways to love, live, think, eat took me from striving to thriving....I finally felt alive...I learned how to become, think and act feminine, which I love by the way..I learned to love to watch the world around me through eyes of Wonder, I’ve learned how beautiful grace is...I’ve learned to live in the moment... You see, today I know that personal growth, is never just one time deal, it’s not a 10 or 15 steps program, it’s not tied to time or ideas...it’s a life time process...there are  few ingredients to this: willingness, open heart to change, honesty with yourself, surrounding yourself with the right people, vulnerability, time, choices ... The problem with the first change I mentioned above, I tried it and I watched folks trying it, is that it promises instant gratification to satisfy the broken and painful areas of our souls, minds and lives...it’s quick, and it fades quick, because it doesn’t exist in the first place..it’s a false promise...

On the other hand, if you are willing to pay the price for real change, results are 100% guaranteed .

God never promised me quick, from the beginning He was honest, He asked me to count the cost, because this kind of change will cost me everything ...His promises were tied to me going through it, releasing control, honoring Him, trust, obedience, emptying myself of me, forgiving and ask for forgiveness, breaking down walls and barriers that keep me from experiencing His unconditional Love and real living, breaking down walls that will keep me from experiencing love in general ....but He did promised me that I will become a transformed woman, embraced by my transforming God....and I can tell you that I watched that promise fulfilled, and still watching....every single promise He has given me along this journey, I watch and see Him fulfilling...

If you are struggling with “dysfunctional functionality”, I know how it feels, I’ve been there, but darlin’  I am here  to encourage you to give it all you’ve got for change, it is worth it...no matter how hopeless or dark or endless it seems right now, those are just lies, fight them, conquer them...if, right now, you see or feel brokenness beyond repair, I am here to tell you that you can turn that into healing beyond belief! You can take my words for it, cuz I am a walking, living proof!

Let the Future begin! “Let my life be a beautiful garden That You plant and bring forth a harvest Oh God, won't You use me Through every season, keep growing stronger Living my life, to bring You honour Oh God, Yours is the glory” ( Unspoken, Follow Through)